To Protect, Provide, & Propel: What Drives a Man & The Obstacles in Our Way
For men, some of our strongest, innate drives are to protect, provide, and propel our careers forward so that we can do the first two better. While there are exceptions to the rule, we're going to dive into a general discussion as this may apply to more men than not.
Genetics play a large role in our drives. The genes that are passed down from generation
to generation are those genes that have helped us to thrive and survive.
Men's genetic expression results in men have 20x as much testosterone as women. This creates stronger bones, larger muscles, and more aggressive drives. Many of these drives have been passed down to the modern man by our early ancestors.
Early Ancestors & The Genes They Gave Us
In the very early start of mankind, our distant ancestors were hunter gathers. Due to the differences in men and women, the men tended to be the hunters and protectors. The women tended to be the gathers and care takers.
Men would hunt and provide for their tribe. Men would also fend off any threats of dangers to their tribe.
Throughout this time, those men with genetic traits that lent well to protecting and providing were passed down through the generations. Those men with genetic traits that lent more to weakness and an inability to adequately protect and provide were, well, "filtered out".
The phrase "only the strong survive" would be truer than not in the case of what genes were passed down through the generations. What this has also passed down in men is a drive to not show weakness or vulnerability.
To protect and provide for our tribe -- ourselves, our family, spouse, partner, etc. -- is a noble and worthy work.
Yet many men are left with the drive that in order to protect, provide, and propel, they cannot and must not show weakness, vulnerability, or experience the feeling of vulnerability.
Conditioning & the Obstacle of the Perception of Weakness
We have discussed the genes that have been passed down that drive a man to not show weakness, vulnerability, or experience the feeling of vulnerability. In addition to how our genes are expressed in the modern man, we also experience some conditioning on what it means to be a man.
Conditioning of Men in How We Should Manage Emotions
We have also been conditioned that feeling negative emotions are a weakness:
If boys get injured, they are told to "suck it up".
If a boy is sad and crying, they are told that "real men don't cry", "you don't have anything to cry about", or "If you don't stop crying, I'll really give you something to cry about".
If a boy is afraid, they are told, "You don't have anything to be afraid of."
From the time we are very young, many of our strong, uncomfortable emotions are invalidated. "Real men don't feel those feelings so if I want to be a real man, I've got to shove those suckers down deep!"
We are also shown from early on that when we do experience strong, negative emotions, we are on our own. And why wouldn't we think that? When we showed them as children and teenagers, the basic message we got was, "Suck it up, figure it out, and move on."
As boys grow up to be a man, many men have not learned how to manage these powerful, negative feelings and emotions.
So, we do what we've always done. We've put our emotional needs to the side, shove the emotions down, exercise harder, work harder, distract ourselves from the feelings (sometimes in healthy ways sometimes in unhealthy ways) and press ever onward.
There are men who read up to this point who may say:
"But it's been working for me. I've been able to have a high degree of success in my career and my relationships. I may struggle with my emotions, but I've done a good job at containing them. Why would I need to do anything different?"
" I've been getting by. It's not perfect but I've been able to manage despite the emotional challenges I struggle with."
"These emotional challenges have impacted my ability to even get by. But what can I do about it? I'm sure as hell not going to talk to anyone about this. I can overcome this on my own."
To each of these men, I would ask:
"What could your life look like if these powerful, negative emotional obstacles were removed from your life?"
To the Successful Man
What could your relationships and career look like if your energy was freed up from "managing" these emotions? Are you content with good enough?
To the Man Who is Getting By
You have reserves of talent and skill that are capped off and blocked by the emotional challenges. Does the fear of experiencing vulnerability offset your desire to access those reserves to take your relationships, career, and life to the next level?
To the Man Who is Struggling
It can be hard to take the first step and reach out to a counselor for men. But what do you have to lose compared to what you might gain in talking with a therapist for men?
The Fear of Weakness, Vulnerability, or Feeling Vulnerable as a Weakness in Itself
For the modern man, the fear of feeling weak or vulnerable acts as an obstacle in our ability to be the best version of ourselves. Without fail, emotional challenges block us from accessing our full intellect, skill, talent, and other resources. They can also block us from being fully present and available in our relationships.
It takes focus, energy, and effort to ignore or block off those emotions. They are always running like a software script in the back of our minds, in our unconscious. Like a virus, it infects all our daily activities sometimes in noticeable ways and sometimes not so noticeable.
Men, in order to better protect, provide, and propel our careers forward, we have to see the fear of weakness and vulnerability for what it is -- a weakness -- not a strength.
It's important to see what this obstacle of fear of weakness or feeling vulnerable is blocking us from. And it's important to really think about what our life could look like if we plowed through the fear of weakness or feeling vulnerable and met with a counselor for men. And then do the work!
Katy Counseling for Men: A Catalyst for Facing Your Fear, Removing Obstacles, & Propelling Your Life to the Next Level
I started my first group practice, Katy Teen & Family Counseling as I know that helping teens learn to manage their emotions as a teenager will help them propel their lives to the next level. Not only as a teenager, but this obstacle will be removed as an adult.
Teenagers who learn to manage depression, anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks, ADHD, anger, trauma, PTSD, and more will enter their adult lives with the ability to access their full potential.
I then started Katy Counseling for Men for several reasons:
My life was propelled to the next level as I had an EMDR therapist who specialized in men's counseling. She helped me remove the obstacle of anxiety and panic attacks.
This lead to my energy being freed to propel my life and career to the next level.
I want to help other men remove their obstacles so that they can be freed from emotional blocks so that they too can propel their lives.
I know there are men, who like me, are ready to do more for their life, make more of their life, and be more in their lives.
I have created a practice of therapists who specialize in men's counseling. Our therapists for men have made their careers in therapy about men's counseling. We specialize in men's counseling so that it will maximize the success rate for the men who start men's counseling.
Life on the other side of having those emotional challenges removed is worth the work put into therapy. It's worth facing the fear of feeling weak or vulnerable.
Men, if you can face your fear of feeling weak or vulnerable and take the next step in reaching out to a counselor for men, you can find the freedom from emotional challenges and your life can be greatly enhanced as a result.
The block that is present that prevents you from fully accessing your full potential can be removed. Might that be worth giving men's therapy a shot? What do you have to lose?
Obstacles We Can Help You Overcome
There are many different obstacles that men may face in their lives. When it comes to the emotional obstacles that stand in your way of happiness in life, relationships, and work, we can help. We help men who may be facing the obstacles of:
We also provide couples therapy and marriage counseling. Those who love us and who we love are worth fighting for. There are times where a counselor who specializes in men's counseling and who can provide couples therapy and marriage counseling is what is called for.
Men, don't wait. We are not a generalist practice who have therapists who have worked with men from time to time. We are a specialist practice who have made it our life's work to provide therapy for men.
We also maintain strict confidentiality and you won't experience judgment from us. Most of us have seen a counselor for men so it would be difficult for us to be in a place of judgment!
Katy Counseling for Men: Counselors Who Specialize in Men's Therapy in Katy, TX & Houston
Courage is not doing something in the absence of fear. Courage is doing something despite the fear. If you have emotional obstacles that are in your way of maximizing what you want out of life, we can help.
At our Katy, TX location of Katy Counseling for Men, our therapists specialize in men's therapy. This means you will meet with a therapist who gets and understands men and the challenges we face.
If you are ready to start building a stronger future together, all you need to do is follow these three simple steps:
Contact Katy Counseling for Men
Meet with one of our men's counselors
Start your journey in building a stronger future today
Other Wellness Services Offered at Katy Counseling for Men: Katy, TX & Houston
At our Katy, TX location of Katy Counseling for Men, we have a variety of both talk therapy and non-talk therapy approaches in counseling for men. Below are a few of what we have to offer:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR)
Counseling for anxiety
Counseling for social anxiety
Board Certified Neurofeedback
Peak performance (optimal academic brain performance)