Marriage Counseling & Couples Therapy: 6 Reasons Couples Often Seek Marriage Counseling
I recently got a phone call from a man looking for marriage counseling for he and his wife. There was infidelity involved and they would like to work through this very challenging time in their lives.
The very first thought that came to mind was not judgment around the infidelity. Yes, infidelity is a serious violation of trust in a very intimate way. Yet, the first thought that came to mind is what a courageous man and couple to choose marriage counseling to help them work this challenge!
This couple have built a life together. They have a deep love for one another. Both are willing to examine the problem and do the work to overcome the violation of trust and the hurt involved.
Both see a future where trust can return, love can blossom, and their relationship can continue.
Recipe for Success in Marriage Counseling or Couples Therapy
First, marriage counseling and couples therapy can be and is very often effective. It also often takes less time than individual therapy takes.
To make marriage counseling or couples therapy successful, there is a simple recipe for success. Simple doesn't always mean easy but these are the ingredients to the success recipe:
Ingredient Number 1
When both partners are willing to take an honest look at their role in the challenges, this is one ingredient to success.
Ingredient Number 2
Another ingredient to success in couples counseling or marriage therapy is that both take action on what they need to change individually. Focusing on what the other person needs to change is outside our control. We can only control our own actions and behavior.
Ingredient Number 3
Ideally, the couple don't put off couples counseling or marriage therapy. The sooner you address the challenges, the higher chance you have for success.
While the chances of success remain high even if you have put off marriage counseling or couples therapy for some time, the work might take a little more time.
What Can Marriage Therapy or Couples Counseling Help With?
There are many things that marriage therapy or couples counseling can help with. At the beginning of this blog post, we talked about infidelity.
While infidelity can be a deal breaker in many marriages, many other couples choose to work through this challenge. And many couples are successful in doing so.
There are other challenges that marriage counseling or couples therapy can help with too. Below are some that we find couples come to therapy to get help with:
1. Co-Parenting After a Divorce
This is another one of those reasons that when divorced couples come to therapy for, I admire greatly. Divorce is often hardest on the children who are involved in the divorce.
When parents choose to come to marriage counseling or couples therapy for the purpose of helping them co-parent their children after a divorce, they are putting their children first.
While divorce is not the goal of any marriage, sometimes it cannot be avoided and may be what's best. However, it does come with challenges that we put on our children as a result.
Couples therapy and marriage counseling can help parent successfully navigate the co-parenting journey after a divorce.
2. Disagreements in Financial Matters That Go Unresolved
One of the top stressors in any marriage is often related to finances. One partner may view handing the household finances one way. While the other partner may view it differently.
Many arguments are held over how to save, spend, or allocate money in the household. As these arguments continue and there is not a resolution and you cannot come to an agreement, resentment builds.
As resentment builds, distance tends to grow between the couple and over time, this can have a devastating impact on the marriage or relationship.
Marriage counseling or couples therapy can help bring resolution to the financial differences. In this case, marriage therapy or couples counseling is usually brief.
And the benefits from seeing an objective, outside third party who is trained and has the experience to help you come to an agreement related to finances can save a marriage.
3. Disagreements on How to Parent Your Children
This topic is a very sensitive topic for parents. We all want what is best for our children. We want to make sure as parents that we are doing our best job in providing the care, guidance, and parenting for our kids.
And we enter a marriage or relationship with our own preconceived notions of how to effectively parent. When we see our partner doing something that is counter to how we would handle a situation, it can create resentment.
And when we talk to our spouse or partner about it, some are more receptive to the discussion than others. When you are in a marriage or relationship where the topic of parenting creates arguments and/or it persists over time without resolution, a marriage counselor or couples therapist can help.
Marriage counselors and couples therapists are trained in parenting. They are also trained in the various stages of childhood and adolescent development.
Having a trained professional be able to provide guidance, help resolve disagreements, and help a couple come to an agreement on how to parent can save your marriage.
And, what a great thing for the kids. They no longer have parents arguing or fighting over how to parent them. When this happens, the kids are the ones who tend to suffer.
4. Are You Thinking About Having an Affair?
People who have an affair often are missing something that they used to have in their marriage or relationship. It could be that over time, the feeling of "being in love" fades and you are looking for that feeling again. Maybe your husband is a workaholic and is neglecting your emotional and/or physical needs.
Whatever the reason, when you start to contemplate having an affair, going to marriage counseling or couples therapy can be a marriage saver. Your spouse or partner would much prefer addressing your thought about having an affair versus after you have an affair.
More times than not, the other person in the relationship or marriage are likely feeling the distance or disconnect you are feeling too. Many times, there is an appreciation for wanting to address the challenges to help improve your relationship to help prevent infidelity.
Taking this step shows your spouse or partner how much you value them too. Marriages aren't perfect. They take work and it's not uncommon to reach a point where the magic fades, responsibilities pull you away from one another, and the relationship suffers.
And you can get it back through marriage counseling or couples counseling.
5. Challenges in Communicating with One Another
Many times, if not most of the time, in marriage therapy or couples counseling, we start with communication. We do this because by the time couples come to see us, communication has broken down.
Without open lines of communication, it becomes very difficult to resolve challenges. Over time in a marriage, things may occur that cause communication to become difficult with one another.
And when communication becomes difficult, how do you get things accomplished or resolved at home? I can't imagine working somewhere and not being able to communicate effectively with those I work with. The end result would be nothing would get done and we'd probably be looking for a job.
When you can't communicate at the home, nothing gets done and you may end up looking for a divorce attorney if it doesn't improve. Let us help you avoid this step as we can help you improve your communication and we're way less expensive than a divorce attorney!
6. Anger Management in a Marriage or Relationship
There may be resentment and anger following an affair. It could be that anger builds because of disagreements of parenting or finances.
Whatever the reason anger may creep into a marriage or relationship, marriage counseling or couples therapy can help. In marriage therapy or couples counseling, the therapist can get to the root of what is causing the anger.
Once the roots are identified, the marriage counselor or couples therapist can help you resolve the challenges that create the anger.
For some couples, anger management may have played a role throughout your marriage. Because of the anger, it drives a wedge between the two of you.
It may be that anger management counseling is recommended as well. Anger management is a skill that anyone can learn. There are various strategies to help manage our anger and a skilled therapist can help.
If you prefer a male counselor to help with anger management skills, there are plenty around. A male therapist working with a man who struggles with anger often can help as there is an immediate connection due to being the same gender.
Katy Counseling for Men: Couples Counseling & Marriage Counseling Katy, Tx & Houston
At Katy Counseling for Men, our marriage counselors and couples counselors are ready to help you overcome the challenges that are driving a wedge in your relationship.
You don't have to dread coming home to your spouse or partner any longer. In fact, we can help you look forward to seeing that special person in your life by overcoming the challenges in your marriage or relationship.
At our Katy, TX location of Katy Counseling for Men, we are ready to help. If you are ready to start, all you need to do is follow these three simple steps:
Contact Katy Counseling for Men
Meet with one of our marriage counselors or couples therapists
Start your journey in strengthening your marriage or relationship today!
Other Support Services Offered at Katy Counseling for Men: Katy, TX & Houston
At our Katy, TX location of Katy Counseling for Men, we have a variety of both talk therapy and non-talk therapy approaches in counseling for men. Below are a few of what we have to offer:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) (Talk Therapy)
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) (Not Talk Therapy)
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) (Not Talk Therapy)
Counseling for anxiety
Counseling for social anxiety
Board Certified Neurofeedback (Brain Training)
Peak performance (optimal academic brain performance)