I don't know anyone who enters a marriage with the goal to get a divorce. We usually find that one person who we believe we can spend the rest of our lives together.
And yet, sometimes life happens and changes that ideal. There are many reasons why married couples get a divorce.
Some include more serious breaches of trust including infidelity, addiction challenges, abuse, etc. While other reasons may be more "benign" such as simply growing apart as a couple and becoming different people than when you married.
Whether it's a divorce that is amicable or a divorce that carries with it a great deal of anger and caustic feelings, divorce will have a profound impact on all involved.
And divorce counseling can help you avoid the common pitfalls some men fall into after a divorce.
The Impact on a Man After a Divorce
For a man, getting divorced also includes a drastic change in identity and roles. Adjusting to these new roles and identity can be challenging. Some of these role changes include a change in:
Being a full-time dad to a part-time dad,
Being married to living the single life,
Being a main provider and caretaker for a family to taking care of yourself,
Being a part of a team in cooperation with your wife to possibly being at odds with your ex-wife,
If you have an amicable relationship post-divorce, adjusting to being friends with someone you once had committed your life too,
Losing friends that you and your ex-wife had made together, etc.
There will also be a variety of challenging thoughts and emotions will likely arise after a divorce. These challenging thoughts and emotions can have an impact not only on your personal happiness, drive, and motivation; but they can also impact your work performance and other critical life areas creating additional struggles for you.
Some of the challenging thoughts and emotions after a divorce for a man could include:
Sense of Betrayal
Suicidal Thoughts & Feelings
And you don't have to gut it out and work through this on your own. Sure, over time these feelings may pass. But in the meantime:
In what ways are these thoughts and feelings holding you back from achieving in your life?
Is there a way to work through these in a shorter amount of time resulting in your happiness, drive, and motivation returning sooner?
Why is it that you have to suffer with these challenging thoughts and emotions for any length of time when there is help right around the corner?
Why put off becoming the man you could me without these damaging thoughts and feelings? Tackle them head on to become the man you know you are and can be.
How Divorce Counseling at Katy Teen & Family Counseling Can Help You
If you have family members and friends, they can be a great source of comfort and help in your life. They love you, want to support you, and want you to be happy.
Family members and friends can give you insight and feedback based on their experience.
A therapist who specializes in men's counseling acts in similar ways as your family or friends. A men's counselor however can give you feedback based on their wealth of experience in working with many other men who have gone through a divorce and experienced similar thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
A men's therapist is also an objective third party who can provide you with insight and feedback that a family member may not as they may be too close to the situation. A therapist for men can also help you overcome those challenges in your life in a shorter amount of time than letting them simply take their course.
The sooner you can overcome these challenges, the sooner you can find peace, happiness, and return to being highly productive, motivated, and driven.
1. Help to Shortcut the Time We Spend in Guilt, Shame, & Resultant Depression
Some of the more common feelings men report experiencing when they come to counseling for men are guilt and shame which often leads to depression. Depression robs a man of hope, motivation, energy, drive and can sometimes lead to suicidal thoughts. Counseling for depression can help.
You may ask how talking to someone about these feelings can help you overcome them? A men's counselor can help you take an objective look at the guilt and shame you may be feeling.
Some of the guilt and shame may well be yours to take on based on your actions. But MANY times, we find men who take on more guilt, shame, and responsibility for how their ex-wife and children respond that is not theirs to take on.
Helping a man identify what is his to take on and be responsible for and what is not his and how to let go of that helps reduce the feelings of guilt, shame, and the resultant depression.
Also, a men's therapist can help you understand that what you are experiencing is normal. They can often give you an average length of time that these feelings tend to last based on their work with other men. This alone can be very helpful.
A men's counselor can also help you work through these feelings and cut down the length of time you experience them exponentially compared to just letting them run their course.
2. Support in Navigating the Social Scene
Sometimes as a result of the divorce, your circle of friends shrink. Often, friends are made as a couple. With some of those friends, they may take sides with your ex-wife and choose to cut ties with you.
And it's not like you're not going to see these people who cut ties with you again. Whether it's attending your teenager's soccer game, choir concert, track meet, these people will likely be there.
What is the best way to manage this? Do I talk to them like nothing happened? Do I ignore them and just be there for my kids?
There are many questions on how to navigate this sometimes uncomfortable situation.
You are now single. Many people who divorce do not want to be alone the rest of their lives. This means getting back out there in the dating scene.
Some men are more eager about this than others.
For Those Who are Ready to Get Back Out There
What's it like to date again?
What feelings come up for you when you think about dating again?
Where do you meet the kind of women you prefer to be with?
How do you avoid the type of women you would prefer not to be with?
You haven't dated for some time now. What's it like now?
If anxiety creeps into the date you're on, how can you deal with that better the next time? How can you avoid the anxiety when dating altogether?
You may feel some guilt dating again. How do you manage and resolve that feeling of guilt?
Having a men's counselor who specializes in divorce counseling can help you successfully navigate this social scene. And it's nice to know that if problems do arise, you have someone who can help you through the problems.
For Those Who Are Not Quite Ready to Get Back Out There
It may be due to the anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, depression, or other emotional challenges that have been created post divorce that you may not be ready to get back out there and date. You may be waiting for these things to "pass".
Our experience at Katy Counseling for Men is that when things like anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, or depression develop, they tend not to pass but become more engrained.
Our counselors specialize in helping men overcome these emotional challenges. We want to see you be the best version of you. And the emotional challenges prevent that.
For those who do not struggle with these intense, challenging, life interfering emotional challenges and who want to date but just aren't ready to date again, we can help.
There may be some mental blocks that are preventing you from enjoying your life to the fullest. Our men's counselors have worked with many men in similar situations.
We can help navigate the blocks and help you to remove them from your life allowing you to get out there and date again.
3. We Want What is Best for the Kids: Support in Co-Parenting
We have a couple who divorced and who are also seeing a counselor to help them to effectively co-parent after a divorce. What respect I have for this divorced couple!
Through their actions, they are demonstrating that they are putting their kids first by working together with a counselor to help them to co-parent.
Co-parenting is either a fairly easy thing to do as the divorce was amicable and you and your ex-get along fairly well, all things considered. Or it can be a very, very challenging and tricky thing to do if there is acrimony between you and your ex-wife.
Unfortunately, we see all too often where there are hurt feelings and the kids are used as pawns to get back at the other person. And when this happens, sure it hurts the ex or the ex hurts you with this approach. But you know who ends up taking the brunt of the hurt? Your children.
At our sister practice, Katy Teen & Family Counseling, we work with many teenagers and young adults who have been traumatized by their parents using them as pawns in the divorce.
As parents, we all want what is in the best interest of our kids. To be able to co-parent is critical to help minimize the impact the divorce will have on the kids.
Navigate the co-parenting process,
Manage how to respond to an oppositional spouse,
Manage the thoughts and feelings that come from this without acting on them,
Think through appropriate courses of action/responses when needed,
Understand the developmental stages your children are in and what they need during those stages so that you can be the most effective father you can be during a divorce situation.
There are so many other challenges and opportunities not listed here that a men's counselor can help you with in divorce counseling in Katy Texas.
Divorce Counseling at Katy Counseling for Men: We Are Here to Help You
Don't wait. You don't have to struggle with the aftereffects of a divorce any longer. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be successful. And you deserve to be with someone who you can love and who can love you.
You will find that meeting with a men's therapist is much like meeting with a friend. There is no judgement and a great deal of warmth and acceptance.
But this friend just happens to have insight and understanding from years of experience in helping other men with similar challenges after a divorce.
Katy Counseling for Men: Couples Counseling & Marriage Counseling Katy, Tx & Houston
At Katy Counseling for Men, our men's counselors can help you with the challenges that arise after a divorce. These challenges often impact our ability to be happy. They can also impact our ability to be motivated, driven, and successful.
When there is help available, don't wait or try to power through it. Our men's counselors are ready to help you build a stronger future together.
Contact Katy Counseling for Men
Meet with one of our specialists in men's counseling
Start your journey in building your stronger future!
Other Support Services Offered at Katy Counseling for Men: Katy, TX & Houston
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) (Talk Therapy)
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) (Not Talk Therapy)
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) (Not Talk Therapy)
Counseling for anxiety
Counseling for social anxiety
Board Certified Neurofeedback (Brain Training)
Peak performance (optimal academic brain performance)
Marriage Counseling & Couples Therapy
About the Author
Jason also specializes in clinical program development, business administration. and leading high performing teams of specialized therapists in group practice settings.
Jason is a leader in the field of teen, young adult, and family counseling as an expert program consultant providing coaching and technical assistance to teen Residential Treatment Centers across the country.
Jason is also a regular contributor to various magazines and publications lending his expertise to various mental health related topics. You can check these articles out at:
If you are ready to start building your stronger future today, call, text, or email us.
Phone Number: 832-346-9614